December 12, 2017

I just read this quote about Prince's song "If I Was Your Girlfriend" (which I'm not even sure that I've heard):

This is an amazing song about intimacy, fantasy, the limits of gender roles, the limits of gender flexibility, a man's full catalog of shortcomings and possibilities. This is also a breakup song, about heartbreak and desperation. It's a song about a man putting the pieces of the past together and hoping they can add up to something more than they were.

                                                          - Tim Carmody

And now I am totally crying at work and I'm not completely sure why.

May 26, 2017


Anxiety:  Something's not right.

Me:  What do you mean?

Anxiety:  Something's wrong.

Me:  Where?  How?

Anxiety:  DOOM!

Me:  Can  you at least give me a hint?

Anxiety:  Sonething's not right.

May 20, 2017

My body wash smells like hope (redux)

From 2/18/17 1:03am

I just turned 40, and it was less traumatic than I expected. I am conscious, though, that I have been living in survival mode for about a decade now and I want the next decade to be different. I grew up not far from here but always wanted to leave. After living in other places for 15 years, life has brought me back this way. Now I find myself in a staunchly red state and I am blue, blue, blue.

I miss the kind of writing I used to do when I was younger and had more time for navel-gazing--I'd just open a vein and bleed out onto the page. Now that ability is trapped under adult responsibilities.

I miss the kind of friendships I had when I was younger and could spend endless hours conversationally exploring over drinks

Those oceans are still in me, but now there is no one to navigate them with.