Awhile back I was sifting through some old letters I'd written to my friend Cindy while she was in the Peace Corps during 2000 and 2001. During that time those letters were really the only type of journal I kept. I started out sending hand-written letters that were 18-20 pages long. I'd carry them around with me throughout my day and pull them out periodically to add to them: during a boring class, while killing time between meetings, or while dinner was cooking. Then I got lazy and started typing them on the computer and printing them up. She never complained, but I imagine something was lost in this process.
Sometimes I would be upset or lonely in the middle of the night--those nights when it feels like you're the only one in the world awake--and in a flurry of keystrokes I'd pound out a type of journal entry of my most private thoughts bury it in some password-protected file deep in my computer. Then it would occur to me that I wanted to tell her these things anyway, so I'd just cut and paste it into her letter. (This is how the line between the letters and my journal became so blurred.)
Anyway, in one letter I found I had been composing a sort of life to-do list. It wasn't necessarily a complete list of things I ever wanted to do, but it definitely hit some highlights. Since I feel a bit like I'm in suspended animation at the moment--waiting to find out what my next move will be--I find myself thinking about and reorganizing that list a lot lately.
I've decided to update it. Some things are old; some are new. Some are random; some are life-long wishes. I'll probably keep thinking of more and adding on.
1. Go hang-gliding. Actually, I'm working on this one. I found the company I want to go with, and a tandem flight is going to cost about $300. The flight is from Mt. Tam to Stinson Beach, which sounds absolutely beautiful. The only problem is this: it's something that you should SHARE. It just doesn't sound like as much fun going alone. (Granted, I'd rather go alone than not at all, but still.) I had my friend Tony talked into it, but ultimately the expense ended up being too much for him since he is moving in two weeks AND won't get another paycheck until September. *sigh* So I've put this temporarily on hold.
2. Swim in the Blue Grotto. I'm not sure if this is realistic--at least not without ending up in an Italian jail. But it would be worth it. I wanted to jump out of the little boat so bad. I will jump out of the boat. I want to know what it's like to swim in light.
3. Learn to ice skate. Nothing fancy; just basics.
4. Go somewhere naked under a trench coat. I think I've wanted to do this since I was 13 or 14.
5. Take piano lessons. I at least want to get far enough where I can play a complete song with both hands. "Heart and Soul"--with alternations between the top portion and the bottom portion--doesn't count.
6. Grow blackberries, peonies, lilacs, and heirloom tomatoes. Peaches, too, if possible. I love these things passionately.
7. See a fjord--specifically in Norway.
8. Pick one week and take the cheapest last-minute flight I can find to somewhere. Anywhere.
9. Learn to drive a stick shift. (Preferably from a patient teacher. Who doesn't mind me periodically freaking out or taking breaks to laugh my ass off for awhile.)
10. See parrots in the wild. It doesn't really matter what kind of parrots or what kind of 'wild' (Australia, Africa, South America...I'd take any). I just want to see them.
11. Take a Chinese brush-painting class. I never get tired of looking at these paintings. And I want my own little stamper.
12. Attend a national or international gymnastics competition. There's gonna be one in San Jose in August. It's crazy expensive. I want to go.
13. Become fluent in Spanish. I used to be not so bad at it. I mean, I still had a LONG way to go and I've probably forgotten a great deal of what I did know, but I really enjoyed it. I would like to be able to dream in Spanish and understand everything that was said.
14. Buy a punching bag on which to take out my aggressions.
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