February 15, 2010

I once had a friend named M.

M. was one of the first people I ever went on a date with and, while the romantic part of the relationship wasn't there, I loved him to pieces. We started hanging out all the time. We took drives. We went out to dinner. We sat and talked. He was a wonderful friend to me during a terrible time. He was a source of support and a confidante and a cheerleader.

M. met someone and fell deeply in love, and it was a joy to watch. He bloomed and grew and his happiness was contagious. He moved to the east bay and--despite my happiness for him--I was sad that he was going so far away. I knew it would take extra work to keep in touch, but I was fine with that. It was worth it.

I've never seen him again.

There were a couple of cursory emails since then, but that was all. It hurts me. I've struggled with how to handle this. I told myself it wasn't all about me. I know it's not. I told myself that I would let him know that I was here if and when he wanted to be in touch. I can't be in limbo that way anymore.

I wrote him and told him we needed to break up as friends, because I can't be in limbo about our friendship anymore and I'm so tired of crying over people who are now gone. Maybe it seems bitchy. Maybe it seems selfish. Maybe it seems heartless.

I just needed to prune the hedges. Everything is way overgrown around here.


One Womans Thoughts said...

I've found that it is difficult to sustain opposite sex platonic friendships after one of the friends marry or get a significant other.
There may be jealousy, insecurities or other reasons. Respect their privacy and their relationship.
Keep in mind that you both have and always will have a special place in each others hearts and memories. Celebrate that relationship by sharing what made it special with others. Nurture others by what you were fortunate to experience.
One never knows when you might cross paths again. Best wishes for your journey through this time.

Goose said...

So was this a friendship or relationship? It almost sounds more like a relationship. But as the other commenter said, once one marries in an opposite sex friendship things change. Give him a special place in your heart and memory, and move on.