[From a letter to a friend nearly a year ago--reflections on relocation.]
I don't know where to begin.For the past couple weeks, in particular, I keep looking around thinking, "What the fuck has happened to my life?" The first two days back in WV I cried constantly. My mother settled into a chair with a tall glass of wine (with ice) and a bunch of cats on her lap to watch some nameless legal show and ignored me. It was like being 14 all over again.
I feel homesick, although for what or where I really can't say. Most likely I just feel homesick for one of my grandparents' front porches in the early 80s, when I had seen or experienced very little of the world and when all I needed was an extra five minutes to play outside before dinner or to finally distract my grandpa from his baseball game so he would talk to me instead ("Papaw, have you ever had a mustache? How old were you? How long did you have it? Would you ever have one again?"). Obviously, I can't go back there.
I can't say much for the events that have taken place in between Judith's visit and that sandwich.
I had a job interview on Friday. At [a local mental health facility] in Clarksburg, WV. It is located just feet away from the old hospital in which I was born, and it was a completely baffling experience. The two women who interviewed me were as sweet as could be and incredibly informal. Mary Sue and Peggy. They stared at my resume and then up at me and said, "What brings you here from San Francisco?"
Oh, ladies. If only I could succinctly answer that question.
Oh, Mary Sue, I want it.
I heard them talking about me before I was even down the hall. "She's so nice!" was the main thing I heard.
I am nice.
My mother was dogging San Francisco as a place to raise a child. "I hear frogs outside every night!" she bragged, as if that fact alone were enough to sufficiently make her point.
Yes, it's true. And if they're not picking our produce, they've opened a restaurant. My friend Shannon tells me there is a popular Chinese restaurant here that keeps a large bowl of Doritos on the food buffet. And they're very popular. And everyone still finds it hilarious to joke that the chicken is actually cat.