On the way home from work today, I felt the panic rising in me rapidly. In an attempt to head off a full-blown panic attack, I told myself all the reasons I could think of that I was feeling freaked out. Some are bigger than others. This is an incomplete list of what I said out loud in my car.
You're freaked out because...
...you hate your job and there's no end in sight.
...money is so tight and there's no end in sight.
...you're afraid you'll never get out of San Francisco.
...you're afraid you'll leave San Francisco and then regret it.
...you're afraid of a big earthquake that will cause you to die in San Francisco.
...you like him and that's terrifying.
...you're afraid if he finds out you're freaked out he'll be freaked out.
...you're afraid to meet his friends.
...so many of the people you've loved most in the world are dead.
...you might never be the same again.
...it might never be the same again.
...you're afraid you'll never run again.
...you're afraid you'll never run in a race again.
...you anticipate dealing with S. leaving again.
...you might always be grossed out by cooking fish.
...you haven't renewed the registration on your car yet.
...you're overdue for an oil change.
...you can't. get. enough. sleep.
...you spent your lunch break asleep in your car on yet another day.
...you can't seem to stay awake while driving.
...you need more and more coffee for minimal functioning.
...you're afraid you've lost your friend M.
...you don't have any contact with your brothers.
...you aren't making greeting cards.
...your sex drive has dwindled since starting birth control pills again.
...you didn't like the last couple of boxes you made.
...your creativity seems to be gone.
...no one wants to publish your writing.
...you want your Facebook status update to suck a giant dick.
...you're tired of Tweeting.