I realize that my near constant insomnia of late is responsible for my wildly fluctuating emotions, but I just can't seem to fix the problem! I'm all over the map, especially in the last few days: heart-stoppingly high, alarmingly low, always exhausted.
Last night and today I felt absolutely desperate. There's a lot of stuff I'd be willing to do for some sleep at this point.
It makes me worry about my health, because I'm going to make myself sick. It just feels like nothing can quiet my mind. I long to slip into the quiet dimness of my bedroom, slip in between the soft sheets as the lanterns sway overhead, and surrender for the next 24 hours. Ahhhh....it sounds blissful...
Until then, thank God I have friends to monitor my actions--keeping an eye on me to make sure I don't do anything irrational. I make a decision, start to stumble forward with it, and someone cries out, "Wait! No!" I stop, nod dumbly, and try to close my eyes again. Most of the time I would resent this, but right now I need it.
I am just so tired.
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