Conversation #1--With my mother
Mom: This guy that I've been seeing...I know you've never seen him or anything, but he's really interesting. You'd like him. He reminds me of Dr. Phil.
Me: [thinking she obviously has no idea what I like] In what way?
Mom: Well, he looks a lot like him. And he kind of has that Texas drawl, too. And he's really, really smart. He's kind of an odd guy, I guess. Really smart! And, you know, he doesn't fit in with anybody. Kind of like you.
Me: Um, what?
Mom: Oh, you know. You never did fit in with anybody.
Me: Wow. I never knew.
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Conversation #2--While waiting to meet someone downtown at Powell and Market near the cable car turnaround. I was standing between the dude holding this sign:
and the dude holding this sign that I've had up on my page for ages:
The guy holding the NO UNLAWFUL SEX sign: No sloppy seconds! Women turn into whores! Just fresh and clean between each other. [Then addressed to me:] You have to be a virgin to get married.
Me: Uh oh. I think it's too late for me.
Guy: No it's not! No more sex from now on!
Me: Yeah, it's too late for me.
Guy: And no more masturbation from now on!
Me: [laughs] It's definitely too late for me.
Guy: Well, let's see how hard you're laughing on Judgment Day when you get sent straight to hell.
Me: [laughing again] That'll be something. Won't it?
Guy: [shakes his head in disgust and continues yelling] No sloppy seconds!