April 18, 2008

"You're so beautiful..."

I wrote recently about my last trip to Penny, my Vietnamese waxing lady, and the taming of my eyebrows. She was encouraging me at the time to get a bikini wax, and I wanted to think about it more.

Well, I went for it.

Holy shit. It was a very strange and painful experience.

To begin with, at the salon I go to, the ladies sing out a greeting to you as you walk in the door and call out to ask you what you want. It's a fairly humbling experience to make a public proclamation of your desire for a bikini wax. I was prepared for this, but I was unprepared for the excitement it seemed to generate. Three ladies started shouting instructions to each other in Vietnamese, and my trusty Penny came forward to assure me: "Ten minutes. I get everything ready. Be good."

When she came back to get me, she gave a moment of privacy in the little waxing room with her version of instructions to take off my pants--she made a swish sound as she acted out the dropping of one's drawers. I giggled nervously.

Penny came back and said, "You lay down. I have look." Obediently, I laid back, feeling weirdly vulnerable as she eyed me critically under the bright lights. "Oh my God!" she cried in mock horror. "Out of control!" I couldn't help laughing out loud in amusement and embarrassment while protesting, "Stop that!"

I confided, "I'm really nervous."

"No worry," she answered. "Baby hurt much worse."

"I've never had a baby."

"Uh oh," Penny said. "No, no. Is okay. I make nice," and set to work.

There was no room for modesty. She put me into all sorts of strange contortions and focused very intently on the business at hand. After each rip she insisted on showing me each cloth strip and saying, "See? So nice now!" A couple of times I yelped in surprise and pain, "FUCK!" only to temper it with, "I'm so sorry, Penny!"

She patted my crotch and crooned, "Is normal. Is okay. Be good girl for me. Just for me." Then she bent down for the next round and began to sing softly, "You're so beautiful....to meeeee..." At this point I cracked up.

After what seemed like an eternity, we finished and she rubbed lotion all over me. This was a very strange experience. Then she instructed me to stand up and let her have a look at me. I stood carefully, feeling rather raw, and she knelt down on the floor directly in front of me and studied her work closely. "Mmmhmmm...mmmhmmm..." she mumbled, crawling on the floor and gazing up at me from all angles.

When I got the all clear, I gratefully reached for my pants and Penny said, "Next time, we go much deeper," and went downstairs to ring me up. This felt like a very strange way to end the experience, but I got dressed, went downstairs, and gave her a great tip.

"Next time much deeper!" she called after me as I went out the front door.


MaltPhoto said...

Wow, it's almost like the scene out of "40 Year Old Virgin", except for the part where she yells out "We gonna need more wax!"

Bree said...

What does "deeper" imply in this context? Deeper into the forest of hair? Deeper into your butt crack? I am not nearly as brave as you are, my dear. There are ways I like to go "deeper" when refering to my twat, but it's never involved strips of wax.

Anonymous said...

You don't know me, but I was referred by a trusted friend...

As an esthetician at a high end down-town spa, I like hearing what waxing experiences are like at what I call "the Asian nail places." Your experience sounds not so bad, actually, (especially 'cause your waxer lady was nice with a good sense of humor.) but completely different from what you will get for, I dunno, 4x the price at my spa?

The quick compare:
1 Appointment a must.

2 Receptionist greets you, hands you a bottle of water and magazine, and you can watch the tank full of live Moon jellyfish as you wait for your esthetician.

3 Your esthetician comes out to greet you at your appointed time and walks you down a bamboo floor lined hallway that smells of citrus or eucalyptus.

4 You enter an all-white but not-sterile treatment room and are told you can put your things down on the counter next to the stainless planter of wheat grass.

5 The estie then says she is going to step out to wash her hands, and you can put on the disposable panties provided for you, then lie down on the table, with a pillow, a clean sheet and a long strip of fresh paper. A bolster is provided for under your knees.

6 The estie will knock and ask if you are ready. (despite the inherent irony of giving someone privacy to prepare for their cooch waxing)

7 The estie will enter, and make sure you see that she is putting on fresh disposable gloves out of the box.

8 She will try to make pleasant conversation with you about something innocuous while she "preps the area" with a cleanser, then a pre-wax oil.

9 A new wax stick is used to apply a thick warm wax to the areas in question...several strips are applied, each time using a new clean stick. No double dipping!

10 Once the wax hardens the estie might engage your help to pull your own skin taut for the least painful pull-of.

11 If you have not done this before, the estie will talk you through it.

12 if you don't want to talk, the estie is happy to let you go into your "happy space"

13 Estie will ask you to take a look and make sure she did not miss anything, and that you are happy with waxing.

14 Once done, the estie will swab you down with in a professional manner with a post wax oil.

15 Estie will hand you a fresh hot wet white towel from a hot towel cabinet and tell you after she leaves, to use it to remove "any extra bits of wax" that have now been softened by the post wax oil. (preferable to her picking at them, no?)

She will then tell you to use *on yourself* a soothing tea tree lotion.

16 When you are ready to go, the estie will be waiting outside your door to show you back to the reception area. She will likely show you some products that help prevent ingrown hairs, or exfoliate. She will also warn you to avoid friction and very hot showers for the rest of the day.

17 You might now be best friends with your estie.

18 You will check out, pay a lot of money, and ideally, leave a huge tip.