An impasse

I was just taking a survey--fairly mindlessly answering questions--when I came to one that seemed ridiculously hard to me. The questions was:

If you could only have one and not the other, which would you choose?

- To love someone
- To be loved by someone

I had to sit and think about this for a moment. I mean, they're both their own special brand of torture. On one hand, I thought to myself, loving someone could be considered a rather selfless act. It also means that you are capable of loving someone and that you find someone out there that you perceive to be extraordinary enough to love. On the other hand, being loved by someone is a wonderful thing and means that someone found you a deserving recipient of their love. I ended up choosing "to be loved by someone" because, though still potentially painful, I find it to be much less heart-breaking in the long run.

But then I had to choose how I would want a potential partner to answer the same question. That seemed even worse. That made me reconsider everything. Is loving someone actually a selfless act? Couldn't it also be viewed as a supreme act of selfishness? And what about the kind of person who would pick 'to be loved by someone.' Is that because it's the easier, more comfortable route? Would I want someone that would pick that? And what does it say about me that I picked that?

Shit. I think I'm going back to bed.