January 29, 2008
Like nails in my feet
In the yard, dewy and shivering
with crickets, we lie naked,
I had horrible dreams. I was not alone, because when I woke up I had a message from my sister telling me she'd just woken from nightmares, too.
My dream was one of those where you know the person in the dream, but it's not actually someone you know or recognize in real life. (I always find those so strange.) But in this dream I loved this person very much, and he was trying to kill himself. I was trying desperately to stop him, but every time I turned around he would try again.
I knew it was only a matter of time. I begged him not to go. I couldn't take away the haunted look in his eyes.
At one point we were on top of a building. I caught him climbing up a wall so he could stand on top and jump off. I grabbed his legs and pulled with all of my strength, hoping to god that the weight of me would keep his feet on earth. He pulled and pulled against me. I knew that I would either stop him or go over, too, but there was no way I was letting go.
Some things never leave a person:
scent of the hair of one you love,
the texture of persimmons,
in your palm, the ripe weight.
Addendum: For what it's worth, I believe I was both people in the dream. But most especially, I was the person not giving up.