January 22, 2009

Thirty two

I like to write a blog on my birthday that reflects what I've been thinking about and what I've been doing. This morning I read over the entries from my 30th and 31st birthdays.

My life has changed in leaps and bounds. At times, the speed was dizzying but (sometimes) because I didn't have the thing I wanted most, it seemed to be just more of the same.

I have tried my best to document my journey...partly for me, partly for you, and partly for the me and you that would someday be.

Lost yet?

I hope not. Because, for once, I am right where I want to be. At this moment, at least, I am not looking back, and I am not looking ahead. I am right here.

At this moment I am so happy.

At this moment I feel incredibly loved.

At this moment I know that the waiting and the searching and the hopefulness were actually leading towards something.

Sometimes the moments that change your life the most feel ordinary and fairly uneventful and it is only in hindsight that their import becomes apparent; other times they knock you on your back and you are left breathless and trying to regain your composure.

The terrain between where I was a little over three weeks ago and where I am right now is almost unfathomable. Thank God.

My eyes are open. I'm breathing deeply. All those feelings over the past three years that I was supposed to be paying attention...? I'm so glad I was.

4 comments:

Becky said...

Love you lots!
♥hugs on your bday♥

Rosie the Traveler said...

Happy birthday!

Bree said...

I read all three of your blogged birthday reflections, and I'm very moved. It's reflection that makes life something better than just going through the motions, I think. To become as conscious as possible about subtle and great changes. How awesome that you have many of those changes documented for yourself, and for us, and for who we all will become. Nope, I'm not lost, at least, I don't think so.

Thanks!

Yannie said...

Anything new regard your birth, when you mom called?
Happy Birthday :-)