I'm greedy.

I don't want to lose this.

At this time I'm happiest when I'm writing and I spend evenings and late nights when I can't sleep on boxes. A couple I've originally intended as presents for other people, but by the time I'm finished they contain a piece of my life story and I've become so attached that I can't bear the thought of parting with them.

Things could start changing after my appointments tomorrow.

I have other things I want to do, too. I mostly want to start running again. I think about it nearly every day. I also want to be able to focus and concentrate and sleep and have normal conversations. I'm ready to stop fighting the urge to step on the gas when a Muni train is crossing.

Thank God for J. She is bipolar as well, and is the only person I've ever talked to that really, really understands. She gives me hope, and she gives me courage.