[walking out of a taqueria in Half Moon Bay]
A: Did you hear those teenage boys talking in the booth behind you? One of them said, "Hella sick." Good God.
S: Maybe they were talking about you. Like, "That bitch is hella sick."
A: Then they should have been using past tense: was hella sick.
S: [is amusing himself and continues] "That bitch was hella sick in her fallopian tube..."
A: Don't joke about my tubes. Just be glad your tubes are healthy.
S: I don't have any tubes!
A: What?! Yes, you do! How do you think your sperm gets around? In little boats?
S: They travel in viking ships with a big horn going, "AaaaHOOOOOOO!"
* * * * * * * * * *
[after a prolonged period of being silent while sitting back and listening to music]
A: [thinking he'll think it's a crazy question] Do you ever wish you were stupider?
S: [without hesitation] All the time. It would make plodding along, swallowing everything, and being content much easier.