June 24, 2008


It has been a strange day. To begin with, I slept from approximately 2am - 4:15am, so I've feeling really tired and unfocused all day.

I sat in my empty classroom this morning at 8am before my students arrived, grading the last of their papers and trying to summon the energy to get through teaching a four hour class. One of my former students, Aurora, stopped in as a surprise to say hello and brought me a cup of coffee as a gift. It was so incredibly thoughtful, and really made my morning. That extra dose of caffeine helped wake my butt up, too.

This afternoon, I finished up the last postdoctoral seminar I will ever have. Somehow--since there are still a few days left in June--I thought it wasn't until next week. But today when I arrived there was a cake and a "graduation" certificate and goodbyes and hugs and well wishes. I felt really disoriented and strange, holding the turkey sandwich I'd just bought for lunch and accepting hugs and congratulations. There was a meeting afterwards about turning in my security badge and keys and telephone passwords and filling out termination papers.

Now I am the last one left at work. The office and the cubicles around me are quiet except for my typing on the keyboard. I guess this is what the end of this looks like. It ended not with a bang but a...oh, nevermind that.

I contacted my old graduate school mentor to confirm that I could use her as a reference as I'm applying for jobs. She was sad to hear that, at this time, at least, I am only applying for jobs in the Bay Area. She held out hope that I would be heading immediately back to Richmond, where I could always find a job with her. It is strange to know that if I wanted to, I could start driving to the east coast tonight and probably have an apartment (and be in talks about said job) by Monday or Tuesday. It is strange. I feel strange. And clunky. And unsure of myself at this moment.

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