May 25, 2008

"In a wagon with no wheels and no place to go."

I always find it interesting to look back on various periods of my life when I have enough perspective to see them in hindsight, to characterize them, and to reflect on them. I frequently wonder what this particular period of my life will look like when I look back on it in the future.

It feels like a brief intermission. It feels like a transition. It feels like an interim between the old and the new. And just when I think I get a glimpse of what the "new" will look like, it seems to morph, pull back, or disappear all together.

It's always bothered me that I have such a hard time living in the moment. I've always been fixed on the past and the future. I don't want to be that way. I've been trying to focus all evening on the good things in my life right now. My friends are what most easily rise to the top. I get a little choked up thinking about just how much they let me lean on them. Occasionally they lean on me, too, but it always feels disproportionate to me.

I feel like I could give a thousand examples of how grateful I am right now, but it would probably be overkill. For now I'll just focus on a recent one. I missed the last couple of calls from a dear friend and he sent me a message saying:

Let me know when would be a good time to call. I'm in kind of a weird place and in dire need of something wonderful involving birds, champagne, cigarettes and miscellaneous baked goods.

I feel both privileged and humbled.

No comments: