Multifaceted

Funny conversation via text message

This text conversation is regarding S's question as to whether I would, in fact, attend a concert to see Beirut. He was going to the show both Tuesday and Wednesday nights, and I was only scheduled to attend the second day. A word of warning: we speak offensively and there are a couple of inside jokes in here...

A: Do not be alarmed. I am going to Beirut.

S: Tonight?

A: No, fool. Quit yer jibba jabba. Tomorrow.

S: Well, I’m going tonight, so suck it, donkey ass cock bitch.

A: Tonight is the night all the homos are going.

S: Then I guess you should try and trade yer ticket. Wouldn’t wanna miss out on all your people.

A: That was weak.

S: ‘Cause your “tonight’s homo night at Beirut” jibe was downright Oscar Wilde-esque. Your legendary sartorial wit strikes again!

A: I knew I needed to dumb it down for you. Now leave me be…I gotta buy ass meat. Have fun tonight.

* * * * * * *

Update on my convenience store friend

On my regular trip to the convenience store today, my Indian man (whose name I still have not asked) kissed by hand and exclaimed, "Beautiful! I have not seen you for two months now!"

I laughed and said, "No, no. It's only been two weeks."

"But it seems like two months because that is how much I miss you. What are you doing these days?"

I sighed and said, "Well, I'm applying for jobs."

"You will find one?" he asked.

"Well, I hope so. Or I won't be able to afford to shop here anymore!"

He leaned toward me conspiratorially and assured me, "You don't find job, I will take care of you. I will always take care of you."

I rolled my eyes and said, "Thank you, but I've heard that before."

He took my hand earnestly and said, "I am not like the boys you know. I will take care of you."