Funny conversation via text message
This text conversation is regarding S's question as to whether I would, in fact, attend a concert to see Beirut. He was going to the show both Tuesday and Wednesday nights, and I was only scheduled to attend the second day. A word of warning: we speak offensively and there are a couple of inside jokes in here...
A: Do not be alarmed. I am going to Beirut.
A: No, fool. Quit yer jibba jabba. Tomorrow.
S: Well, I’m going tonight, so suck it, donkey ass cock bitch.
A: Tonight is the night all the homos are going.
S: Then I guess you should try and trade yer ticket. Wouldn’t wanna miss out on all your people.
A: That was weak.
S: ‘Cause your “tonight’s homo night at Beirut” jibe was downright Oscar Wilde-esque. Your legendary sartorial wit strikes again!
A: I knew I needed to dumb it down for you. Now leave me be…I gotta buy ass meat. Have fun tonight.
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Update on my convenience store friend
On my regular trip to the convenience store today, my Indian man (whose name I still have not asked) kissed by hand and exclaimed, "Beautiful! I have not seen you for two months now!"
I laughed and said, "No, no. It's only been two weeks."
"But it seems like two months because that is how much I miss you. What are you doing these days?"
I sighed and said, "Well, I'm applying for jobs."
"You will find one?" he asked.
"Well, I hope so. Or I won't be able to afford to shop here anymore!"
He leaned toward me conspiratorially and assured me, "You don't find job, I will take care of you. I will always take care of you."
I rolled my eyes and said, "Thank you, but I've heard that before."
He took my hand earnestly and said, "I am not like the boys you know. I will take care of you."