There won't be too many of these anymore, so I felt like I should get this one down for posterity.
I was on an overcrowded 38 Geary recently. It was about 2am, and the bus was jammed with twentysomethings making the drunken cross-town ride home after the bars closed. Admittedly I've been there once or twice, but tonight I wasn't drunk. I was just going home late and, for reasons not worth going into, I had a thin little black mustache penciled onto my face.
It made me look decidedly creepy.
Because it was so full, I didn't have a seat. Instead, I stood in the aisle holding onto a rope handle that dangled from the ceiling. I swayed and jerked with the bus's movements and tried in vain to keep the straps of my bag on my shoulder.
As we paused at a stoplight, I needed to give my arms a brief break from being up in the air over my head. I hadn't even let go of that rope strap for five seconds when the bus suddenly lurched forward and I was caught off-guard and went to the floor. On my knees. In between the legs of a surprised young Latino man sitting nearby.
I'm sure I flushed bright red. "Excuse me," I mumbled from under my little mustache. He didn't say anything. My eyes met with those of an elderly Asian man staring at me unsympathetically from a nearby seat. Because all the seats were full, there was nothing to grab onto as I was getting up. My shoulder bag and I bumped the knees and ankles of those standing around as I struggled to get to my feet while the bus was bouncing around.
Just as I was nearly in a completely upright position and reaching up to reclaim my rope strap, the bus lurched again. And I was sent to my knees in between the legs of this man. Again. This time my chin actually bounced off of his thigh.
"Oh, my God. I'm so sorry," I gasped. He shifted around uncomfortably and looked out the window.
"Dude, if you wanted to suck him off so bad why didn't you just say so?" I heard one young guy snicker to his friends.
So, um. Yeah. Did I mention I have a car now?