Nannette and I have been completing some writing exercises together over the course of the last three weeks, and there are several of them that I've loved doing. I was inspired to expand one small line from one of the activities into a larger exploration of a theme that stuck a nerve with me. The whole point was to examine why I am afraid to dream--to really let my imagination and fantasies run wild. For me, these are the fears:
I'm afraid if I start dreaming I'd...
- leave my entire life behind because nothing would seem good enough
- make irrational or drastic decisions (e.g., one that I came very close to making a few months ago and still dream about)
- not meet the obligations I need to meet (e.g., being productive at work)
- discover the limits to my capabilities
- never be satisfied with anything I can actually hope to achieve
- get my hopes up and then be let down
I think part of the problem is that I can be very all or nothing about things. I'm either doing something or I'm not. Once I start dreaming and imagining, I start planning, and once I start planning...I'm fucking doing it. Seems safer not to dream sometimes.